In Love Alone
by FifiDoll
Summary: Sebastian is used to one night stands and 20 minute relationships - so what's so different about Blaine? A meta-type fic look at why Sebastian is pursuing Blaine the way he is, and what makes Blaine so different. One-sided Seblaine.


Sebastian wants him for a lot of reasons.

It's easy. Blaine is perfect, or at least that's what they say, and he's done nothing to make them think differently. He can sing. He can dance. He commands the attention of a room without even trying. Simply put, he's everything Sebastian's not.

Blaine is innocent, trusting, and trustworthy. He prioritizes other peoples' happiness above his own. He smiles and hides the pain and pushes it away. God, he smiles _all the time_. It's like he's still a kid, doe-eyed and excited to explore. If he's seen the pain of the real world, you'd never know it.

Sebastian's just jealous, really.

Sebastian has felt more than his fair share of pain, and one glimpse into his personality proves it. He's the opposite of Blaine in every way, and it _sucks. _It sucks because Blaine can do what Sebastian can't, and that's not fair. Blaine knows how to handle pain better than anyone, he's sure, and it's just not fucking fair.

But yet even though Sebastian is so lost and misguided, Blaine still gave him a chance. They're Facebook friends. They chat. Even further proof that Blaine is perfect. It pisses Sebastian off to no end, yet it makes him happier than he's been in years. The range of emotions that Blaine makes Sebastian feel is overwhelming and sometimes he doesn't like it.

Sebastian isn't used to feeling.

Not in this way, at least. He's used to the feeling of warmth around his cock, lips against his lips, but that's it. He blocked out emotions years ago. Ever since that kid in middle school called him a fag and punched him in the face, Sebastian taught himself to stop feeling. Instead he turned into a cold, bitchy shell of himself.

In Paris it worked. He fit right in. He was the conceited American and nobody thought anything of it. Going back to Dalton was easy, too. He was privileged. He had money. It made sense that he wasn't a nice guy.

But really, Sebastian was lonely.

Sebastian hasn't had a best friend since middle school, and he lost him to his sexuality. It was a literal punch to the face that ended it all and since then Sebastian hasn't let anyone in. It kills Sebastian that something as silly as who a person likes can kill a friendship that lasted since kindergarten, but he supposed that fingering the kids girlfriend in revenge was worth it, even if it didn't do anything for him. Now _that_ punch to the face from his ex-best friend was deserved and well worth it. It was also the punch that sent Sebastian to Paris.

Sebastian liked Paris.

He could pretend he didn't know the language if he didn't want to talk. He could shut people out. He could get booze and a cheap fuck almost every night. It worked right up until he moved back to Ohio and laid eyes on Blaine Anderson. Then the fucks weren't as fun. Being a jerk wasn't as thrilling. He wanted to be like all the other boys again.

Sebastian's reputation had been made, though, so now he couldn't change. It would make everything far too obvious. That, and he didn't want to turn Blaine into a cheater no matter what he did. Sure, Sebastian had a horrible reputation, but Blaine didn't, and that was part of his appeal.

Blaine made Sebastian want to change.

Sebastian was in awe every time he'd send Blaine a message on Facebook and get one in reply. They talked about Sebastian's adventures in Paris one night. Sebastian let Blaine complain to him about McKinley for hours another night. The two would always find something to talk about, and never once was the topic Kurt or dating. Sebastian knew he had to behave around Blaine, and it was frighteningly easy. But at the same time, it wasn't enough.

Blaine was still dating Kurt. He wouldn't leave him, wouldn't cheat, but yet Sebastian kept pushing. He knew he shouldn't, and he always regretted it afterwards, but still Sebastian pushed. He made an enemy out of Kurt and was more pissed off in general.

He hated that Blaine didn't notice.

Sebastian tried to fill the role he never thought he'd want. He went to all of Blaine's performances: every single showing of West Side Story, plus sectionals. He watched quietly from the audience, and he never tore his eyes from Blaine if he could help it.

Then he'd stand and clap when it ended, a smile on his face. The smile was what scared Sebastian the most. He never smiled like that. Not since he was a small kid and his parents bought their first puppy. The only person in Sebastian's life that could make him smile like that now was Blaine, and Sebastian was terrified of what that meant.

Blaine didn't know the power he held.

Sebastian would probably do anything that Blaine asked of him. Sebastian was so intrigued by Blaine that he'd do anything if it meant he'd have a chance. He knew it made him weak, that it was a huge risk, but there was something about Blaine that made Sebastian want to take that risk. Sebastian was crazy about Blaine, but he kept it all inside. He'd only tell Blaine that he felt this way when he's single – if he's ever single again.

Sebastian found himself doubting that he'd ever have a chance. Kurt and Blaine seemed picture perfect. They were absolutely nauseating and it made Sebastian feel like shit. Especially when Kurt would look at him with that smug expression that said he knew exactly how Sebastian felt.

So Sebastian would keep being an ass. He'd sleep with whatever sorry man found their way to Scandals on the nights he was there. He'd chat with Blaine on Facebook as often as he could. He'd continue to harass Kurt. Hell, he'd even keep sitting through all of Blaine's performances, even the ones that were painful to watch and listen to because the rest of New Directions couldn't keep up with Blaine. Sebastian would keep doing all these things in hopes that one day Blaine would notice.

And Sebastian hoped that Blaine would notice soon, because being in love alone was more painful than anything else Sebastian had ever experienced.


End file.
